Shedding Your Skin & Re-Finding Your Diva Within!
Seasons of personal change, like coming out of a relationship, having a child or recovering from a serious life event can sometimes take their toll on our identity. They can become the mirror that shows us we have forgotten how to be our unique selves. As someone who has spent many years building, re-building and rising again, I understand the deep sadness of realising you are no longer who you thought you used to be. So, these are my top tips to help you rediscover your inner diva and find the strength to keep going when you feel like you have lost yourself.
It’s ok to shed your skin
Snakes only shed their skins because they are growing too large for them and so it can be with us. Although going through change can be painful, try not to look at it as a loss of identity. Instead turn it around and embrace it as a chance to be reborn and uncover your inner diva. When we are in a long-term relationship, or bringing up a family, our individual identity is often silenced or put to one side for someone else but giving yourself permission to rediscover your own passions is truly an awakening. Taking time to rediscover what you like as an individual can be an incredibly empowering experience.
Although trying the waters of identity are scary after years of having a co-pilot, or spending time looking after family or loved ones, you are 100% entitled to rediscover who you are. Start slowly and begin to try new things to get a feel for who your inner diva is today. This can be anything from a new haircut, new address, new career, new hobby or an entirely new philosophy, it’s up to you and you don’t need anyone else’s permission to try new things. It can also be a time of reconnecting with people or things you used to enjoy in the past that have gone by the wayside. Experiment with a combination of old lost favs and exciting new opportunities to find your perfect mix.
Get awesome, not angry
When life doesn’t go our way, it’s easy to let anger become our overriding emotion. Although anger can motivate us in the short term, it’s not a healthy long-term motivator. Anger tends to come from our looking backwards, at what has already happened, rather than forwards to our future possibilities. Although we may be entitled to that feeling of anger, if we hold onto it indefinitely it will stop us moving forward. The sooner we start creating new plans and goals around the best version of who we want to become, the sooner we shift our focus back to our own inner diva, rather than letting someone else steal the emotional show.
You are the hero and star of your own life
With the busyness and chaos of life it’s so easy to feel as though we have no control over our lives. Whether it be the constant demands of others, the loss of someone we love or a personal illness, our own personal identity often pays the price. One area of our lives that we do have control over is how we choose to react to the situation. I like to say to myself ‘I am a victor, not a victim’, to remind myself that I still have the power to choose how I am going to respond to what is happening. This also reminds me that I am the central character, star and hero of my own life. It enables me to take back control and helps me feel empowered to make decisions about my future going forward.
Spoil Yourself Without Spoiling Yourself
After years of focusing on others it’s sometimes hard to indulge ourselves without heading towards destructive behaviours. We can avoid this by building healthy rewards into our lives that will build us up, not tear us down. Comfort eating is one of the strongest control stealers I have ever confronted. Although it still comes knocking at my door, I now see it for what it truly is, my inner diva telling me I am feeling out of control somewhere else in my life. I have begun to build in other rewards that bring me joy as a way of feeling spoilt, without sabotaging my life. Some of my favs are Lush goodies, a massage, new active wear and a posh latte, ooh la, la!
You are not alone
Take heart in knowing that millions of others before you have overcome and risen again after similar situations. There are so many of us out here cheering you on. Even if we don’t know you personally we have felt what you are feeling and we believe in you!
It’s also ok to be not ok. Don’t be embarrassed to reach out to a friend or family member to ask for help if you need it and keep important support service numbers close at hand for when you are feeling low.
If you are going through a challenging time and need support you don’t have to do it alone. Please contact:
Samaritans: 116 123
Lifeline: 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1800 273 8255
Finally, remember you are so much stronger than you know, you truly do have an inner diva inside you just waiting to be reborn and when she is ready to make her debut, the world will truly be your oyster!
By Kitty Von Tastique